How to Drive on the Interstate and I295 in Maine
1st: When stuck behind a car that is nervously merging on to the interstate, look behind your left shoulder and quickly into your rear view mirror. Then: although there are those white lines on your left that tell you to keep to the right of them until they end then you can merge? If there are no cars on the right lane of the interstate, accelerate and merge left around the car in front of you and onto the interstate.
2nd: Once on the interstate, keep around 65-70. You can be 5mph over the speed limit with no problems, if you exceed to 80-90 in a 65, you may want to slow down but in some areas, do it anyway just to take a few minutes off your commute.
3rd: When you find yourself coming up on a car in front of you and you are in the right lane, get really close to them to let them know they are going too damn slow for the interstate, and pass them on the right lane and accelerate.
4th: When in the left lane and you find a car in front of you that isn't moving into the left lane. Prepare yourself for some serious tailgating until they either accelerate as well, or move to the left lane. Repeat the first step of this number until you have succeeded in moving them or possibly pass them in the right lane.
5th: When it comes to exiting and you find yourself still in the left lane, cut off the person in the right lane or flip them off if they don't move and cut behind them close to their car just to let them know that by them not moving out of your way it irritated you.
6th: Exit up the ramp. Though the speed limit says 35, there are never cops on exits anyway, to give it to ah.
"to give it to ah"?
ReplyDeleteThere's a definite place for mock and ironic instructions and advice (I hope to god this is meant to be mock and ironic!) You do a nice job hitting some of my favorite annoyances. Number 1 is particularly dangerous since the poor bastard trying to merge safely (me) suddenly finds a vehicle on his left where there was none a second before. The adrenaline flows and there's an instant of terror while you await the crash--and then you realize it was just that guy behind you peeing his pants because he can't afford to waste three seconds on grandpa safety stuff.
Hahahahaha exactly. I don't really drive like this all the time either, just sometimes and I definitely know some people that could relate. :P
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